I do not have the sanity required to deal with them/you right now or I truly do not have the sanity required to deal with or even think about any of this right now.
Words that I have either thought or said more times lately than I can count but still I am calm and patient with the kids, and the family, the federal government and holiday planning on how to make sure we can all survive having Mom and Dad under one roof and both sitting near enough to me but far enough away from each other to not cause more stress and strife.
The required patience to make sure everyone is happy and calm is at best unlikely and at worst impossible. Couple in with that a three-year –old, a teenager and a husband who tried to make it through the holidays with the required calm and cooking to keep everyone happy and on their diets. As well as the growing sense of loss that I keep to myself from them over no longer having Nana here in Tennessee and knowing all the happy peaceful holiday pictures that will flood Facebook from my family in Florida where they have Nana, my sanity.
Then there is the new year and all it brings in: another court date with my ex and the continued parade of paper work and doctor visits with all the new checkups they want Dad to get. Appointments for Brianna and my continued search for a doctor for my stress and depression.
I will make myself appear at least to have the required sanity, calm and patience to get through the holiday season and into the new year . I always do...
Well, kinda.
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